It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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