Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
