there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sext me about skeletons
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
