This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
