dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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