you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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