I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
