She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize