I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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