in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
