We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
