Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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