There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
