It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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