Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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