85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
