well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
