i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
