people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
