his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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