It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
