dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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