I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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