why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
