Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
