that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
