My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
