plz talk dirty to me
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
