Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
