i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize