I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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