You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
