there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
