i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize