I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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