She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
