she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
