There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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