The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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