Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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