I wish life had little blips of pornography
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
