watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
