I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
