well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
