grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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