he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
