mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
