So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
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i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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