Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Randomize
