He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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