carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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