Having a random hookup so left but love u
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
