The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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