U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
