...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize