did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
