fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
