I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He better not be in your backpack
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
