ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
