I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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