At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
