The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
