allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
