She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
