I wanna passion pit in your ass
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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