No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
