I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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