It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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